Let me tell you all about it. First of all, they've got the time: five midsummer days July 3-7 this year to get you all sticky and sweaty and smelly. They've got the place: the Pioneer High School parking lot, a huge, flat, empty piece of asphalt without a single tree to block the sun. They've even got the background music: dumb and loud, it's music to boil your blood, split your ears, and drown out your screams. Finally, they've got all the food you kids love: pizza and hot dogs and hamburgers and french fries and pop and cotton candy and elephant ears and popcorn. No, wise guy, they don't have beer! This is a family carnival.
But all this is just to get you in the mood for the rides. For your little brothers and sisters, they've got kiddie rides: a dinky merry-go-round, an itsy-bitsy bumper cars ride, a teeny-tiny airplane ride. But that's not for big kids like you! No, sir! For big kids like you, they've got the real thing, the rides guaranteed to make you to toss your lunch!